As mothers, we automatically believe that once we give birth, those “mommy instincts” kick in. What are mommy instincts really? Are they just there to know when our children are lying to us? Or about to break those vases/lamps we just bought from Pier One because those aren’t cheap? Are they the same instincts where we know our husbands are full of it or trying to trick us into thinking we are always right? Guess what we are, so stop trying.
For me, mommy instincts are just my idea in my head that I know whats best for my child, regardless what anyone says. I become very stubborn and irrational when others try to convince me otherwise. My husband goes along with it. He is the most rational man when it comes to our daughter. He keeps me from going off the deep end and insisting every test is done on her. To me, he is perfect. He is the best father my daughter can have. Our marriage is not perfect. What marriage is? We have only known each other for 4.5 years. In that four years we have dated, became engaged, got married, and had our first daughter. We are still getting to know each other while adding new stresses to the equation. This past weekend he was the best.
Two days ago, my daughter came home from her Pawpaws with crusty eyes. She did not have them the night before or that morning. We live in the swampy, humid, miserable part of Texas. I consider it that space between your toes that you have to get the cheese out of every day. The spot where athletes foot loves to dwell. That’s home sweet home. I immediately shrugged it off as the trees are starting to bloom and pollen is EVERYWHERE. She has allergies.
The next morning, her eyes were a little runny but nothing crazy, no temp, just a little off. We had plans to see Captain Marvel that morning. It was our first date night in months. I mean it to. We called my husbands parents and they were kind enough to come to our place after we explained she was slightly off. Again, convinced it was allergies.
My husband seemed to know I need the time away from our daughter and lives for a few hours and treated me to sushi after the movie. Lucky me!!! We do not always see eye-to-eye on a lot of things but he is an extremely thoughtful man and always likes to surprise me with little adventures whenever he can.
When we got home she was napping. What a treat, we got a few more minutes of quiet to just sit and relax. Then it started. The black cloud of parent guilt quickly ascended on our house. Our daughter woke up screaming with her eyes glued shut from all the gunk. We quickly cleaned her up and washed her eyes with a hot cloth. At this point, we knew it could be worse than we thought. In chimes my husband, “You know so-and-so’s son had the exact same symptoms this past week. They gave him Tylenol and he was good in two days. Resolved itself.” My response was every child is different and our daughter is not his son. After disagreeing on jumping to conclusions, we agreed we would wait until the morning and determine the next cause of action. Morning came, eyes crusted shut and her temp was 99.5. I was done. I needed to hear from a medical professional that it was only allergies or it wasn’t.
Here is where my husband is even more amazing. When I told him I wanted to go see a doctor, he quickly walked the dogs and jumped in the car. He could have insisted I wait another day to see our pediatrician instead of paying an ER or Urgent Care visit. I knew he would have rather I waited until Monday morning. He didn’t though. We both wanted answers as to her symptoms . Hour later, conjunctivitis and another double ear infection. Her throat was also irritated but tested negative for the flu and strep. Positive, it wasn’t the flu or strep. Negative, we have to somehow put eye drops in a 10 month old eyes. This doctor must hate us.
Here is where our marriage, partnership, and friendship really shines. He looked at me in the doctors office and said sorry. He honestly thought is was allergies. I admitted I did too. I was hoping this gut feeling was wrong and I was being irrational and over thinking her symptoms. I apologized to him for making up go into the ER at nine in the morning on a Sunday. He apologized for not going Saturday night when I asked. I told him we did what we thought was right at the time. What was best for our daughter. We really honestly thought it was allergies. Those “mommy instincts” are just bologna. They are what we use against our husbands and boasting to our friends and coworkers. We know our kids are attracted to shiny, new things. They have no sense of what is fragile and what is not. Mother’s, we do not always know what is best for our children. Sometimes it is the Dad’s that know what is best. That is parenting. Using each others strengths to make the best decision for your children. It does not matter who instincts are correct, as long as our children are happy and healthy.
One thing we did agree on though, no more date days for a long time. They are too expensive.